Why does it matter that gold is so shiny and should we get more gold cause its so shiny?

Q: Why did we abandon the gold standard? Do other countries still use it? Would our debt be so huge if we still used it?

Gold has a long and shiny history. In fact for most of human history, gold has been revered for its shininess. It went on to become the standard currency in most civilizations throughout the world. In Egypt, priests buried Pharaohs, such as King Tut, with gold death masks. The Greeks passed down myths about the Golden Fleece and Midas' golden touch. And in the New Testament, one of the Magi gave baby Jesus gold (leaving the two other Magi to comment, “Dude, what the hell? I thought we agreed that we would only spend 25 dinarii on the gifts for the kid.”) But the point stands, gold has been prized as a commodity ever since people started trading rocks for shinier rocks.

Mary only let you hold him cause you brought gold.

Who in the Holy See is this Pope guy anyway and why is his hat so big and pontifical?

God sees all.

Q: Describe the history of the Papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its influence in Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise and specific.

I was recently informed that this question has been labeled across the internet as an “impossible final exam question.” Well, on this occasion I am afraid I am going to have to disagree with the series of tubes because I believe that if this question ever crawled onto one of my tests I would slap it in the snout and squeak out at the very least a solid AA+. That being said, let us get right into it by first addressing the question, “Who in the Holy See is this Pope guy anyway and why is his hat so big and pontifical?”

Questions?

Friends, Romans, Countrymen lend me your ears. History is all about questions.

“What was that? Can you repeat that?” asks a conveniently-placed near deaf octogenarian.

“Exactly. And yes it can be repeated, but we will get to that later.” I reply politely before never talking to or mentioning that old sage again.

Like I was saying history is all about questions. In fact, the word “history” comes from the Greek historia which roughly translates as “inquiry, interrogation, or 'Praise Zeus that Herodotus guy had a Halicarnassian crapload of questions.'”* That being said, let's immediately abandon the idea that history stems from a portmanteau of “his” and “story” because not only is that infuriatingly incorrect, but also because we do not want feminist censors ransacking this site like the Catholic Crusaders' 1204 Siege of Constantinople (that was not a pretty picture and let's all remember we are all in favor of spreading knowledge here.) Yes, if one of your high school history teachers ever told you that fractured fairytale they were probably not the sharpest sarissa in the Macedonian phalanx and quite possibly did not know an elbow from an Uighur nomad, but I digress.